Squidward: Dream Walker
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: From the episode "Squid's Day Off". What if Squidward could prevent SpongeBob from causing chaos with a simple flex of his brain cells?


Patrick walked inside the Krusty Krab and lurched over to the front desk. "Hey SpongeBob!" he said to his best buddie manning the cash register. He gave his pal a dopey grin.

"Hey Patrick!" cried SpongeBob, returning the funny face.

"Hey SpongeBob, can you give me change for a quarter?" Patrick held up 25 cents.

"Sure!" SpongeBob bashed the register with his fist several times and pulled out a huge pile of dollar bills. "Here ya go!"

"Thanks…"

Squidward then gasped at the imagined scenario that had been conceived within his own mind. He jumped into his imagination and karate-chopped the fat pink starfish away from the monetary mound. "Hands off, Patrick!" announced the eating establishment's true cashier. "That money belongs to the Krusty Krab!"

Patrick returned to his feet. His head was missing because Squidward's attack was just so lethal.

SpongeBob gasped. "Sku-wid-ward!" The seething annunciation sent a chill down Squidward's non-existing spine (he's an invertebrate).

"SpongeBob… You know I had to do it to him." Squidward turned to face SpongeBob and flexed his lanky arms until they got un-lanky. He now had righteous biceps and looked like he pumped iron on the daily agenda.

"Squidward, why did you hurt our good friend Patrick?"

"SquarePants, how many times do I have to tell you?" Squiward groaned and picked up a table. He ranned his own head through it to exemplify his muscular prowess. "I hate you two. You are the worst neighbors in history!"

SpongeBob gasped again and a single tear dropped from his left duct and slid down his cheek. "Gosh…"

Squidward turned to Patrick. The body was gone. Squidward was surprised, but not too surprised to dodge the crafty critter's sneak attack. Squidward jumped back just as Patrick plowed his fists into the spot he had just stood, shattering the hardwood floor to mere green splinters.

Squidward readjusted his poise to fit his fighting stance and eyed his headless foe carefully.

Patrick turned to Squidward and suddenly grew his entire head back in an instant, pink slime oozing from the aftereffects. "Blimey, Squidward. That pretty much hurt worse than anything… and I ain't talkin' the time you cleaved my noggin off…"

Squidward reached into his pockets and pulled out his twin beam katana. "Out of the way, Patrick!"

"Shut your fat face, cephalopod!" Patrick bellowed deeply and charged toward the mollusk with flaming fists.

"Holy fishpaste!" cried SpongeBob. He ran closer in hopes to break up the fight.

"I said to move it, Patrick!" Squidward roared as he slashed at Patrick and caught the opposer's fists on his blades. Patrick's fiery energy created electric sparks against Squidward's beams.

"This shan't solve anything!" yelled SpongeBob as tears flew in all directions from his face.

"Patrick, this isn't even the full extent in which you are dealing with…" snarled Squidward. "Back off now or suffer the fatal consequences."

Patrick lunged forward and knocked one of the katana from Squidward's tentacle. He then used his free fist to piledrive the inky boy into next week.

It was then, literally, next week. The three sea dwellers now had beards due to their lack of shaving. Squidward was buried in the restaurant's iron walls. Patrick was still seething.

"Now apologize for your misdeeds, scum!" the blazing starfish growled.

"Oh… my aching tentacles…" Squidward whined as he returned to his feet.

"Had enough?"

"Yes, he has, Pat! Stop this horrid onslaught!" cried SpongeBob.

"Silence, SpongeBob!" Patrick eyed his friend in a disturbing fashion. "Don't you understand the magnitude in which this affair has marred?"

SpongeBob broke down into tears. He used his beard to blow his nose.

"If he can't learn, then only death can resolve our plight…" Patrick then drew near Squidward in order to seal the deal.

However Squidward was two steps of his foe, as always. Just as Patrick was about to throw in the final blow, Squidward used the Force to summon back his katana and land a critical wound from behind.

Patrick looked down in horror at his massive gut. He could see the beamed blade poking its pointed end out from his front. He felt the coarse energy surge him infinitely before he fell to the ground defeated.

Squidward sighed and returned the beam katana to their rightful location inside his pockets. He walked past the weeping sponge and dove back into reality. He laughed to himself because now he was sure that SpongeBob would never make the mistake of giving the wrong change to a customer ever again.

But what if the young sponge got bored and set the entire building ablaze due to his lethargy? Squidward gulped and returned his gaze to the restaurant on the horizon. How much was too little?


End file.
